Covid and heart damage

The entire family reached home safely after a 6 day hospital stay due to Covid 19 infection .It was indeed a harrowing time and we all were so thankful to God that we recovered. But now nearly a month later have realized that complete recovery after Covid isn’t as simple as it should be.This virus….against which the entire world is fighting against and which has flummoxed the medical fraternity as well as scientists ….well they are all treating patients through a process of trial and error.Everyday new protocols are being recommended only to be discarded after some time.The anti viral medicines have innumerable side effects…you really dont know what is going to happen down the line. My son and I have already gone through severe pain in heel…and I shudder to think what else is in store for us.

Now the latest theory is that 20% of recovered patients are developing inflammation in the heart.This news is extremely worrying. It is such a scary prospect…all your adult life if one has taken care of their health ….and due to no fault of yours if you develop heart damage due to a goddamn virus…well…that really takes the wind out off your sails.The stress is really killing.I tell myself everyday that I will not read on Covid…but it’s something I cant help doing…sometimes I feel ignorance is bliss!!I guess one can

only hope and pray that all of us can completely come out of this safe and sound.And the fact that this virus is something the world is going to live with for a vv long time….the prospects of an effective vaccine are extremely bleak and a long way off….the fact that a mere virus has overturned the way humans have functioned …it is the stuff which was hitherto only in the imagination of writers…this has become a reality now.Perhaps we will never return to the old normal…At least for now there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel.One thing is certain that 2021 will be as bad or even more so than 2020.Such a long period of uncertainty…the humongous economic crisis,the recession throughout the world which in all probability will a Depression….it is enough to unhinge the world population…the stress,the mental anguish…the lack of social interaction which is so essential for the well being of all humans…we dont know where we are headed.

In such times one can only pray to God to keep us safe and sane.



Today’s paper carried the news of a brutal rape of a 90 year old woman….yes you heard it right….it shook me to the core.I am horrified at the extent of depravity to which man can fall. It’s as if no female….young,old or a child is safe in this world.Women …I think the only reason they are called the weaker sex is because they do not have the means to rape a man.

The Indian male who has been brought up since birth as the most desired,pampered creation of God,grows up with a false sense of importance,bravado and with scant regard for the female species.More often than not he sees it around him…his father treats his mother like a lesser being…someone who he abuses

physically or mentally…so that’s exactly how is psyche is shaped…such boys grow up with no respect for women.And today with the extent of porn available on internet and on the cell phones of every male ….this only adds to the problem.They will release their pent up sexual urges through rapes,molestation,eveteasing etc.I think in today’s world …especially in our country …the most vulnerable are the female species…a girl child is in danger of severe harm every second of the day.The situation has become so bad…partly because justice in our country is delayed beyond measure and partly because the conviction rate is so low.

Women are constantly told not to dress provocatively….but how then do you justify rapes of young children,of old women??How do you change men??Is it possible that education can change them??I doubt it…I think laws have to become v stringent…justice has to be quick.But this seems like a pipe dream…I personally feel that that its impossible to change mindsets of men.Rape should carry a death penalty…that perhaps can be a deterrent.

Is Obsessive good??

Having always been kind of obsessive about certain things,have wondered is it a trait common to my birth sign. … Virgo…..??? I wouldn’t call it a disorder…nope…in fact am not at all ashamed of it.Yes I know it can drive other people up the wall…but a lot of it is beyond my control. Tardiness,procrastination ,chaos and untidiness….yes I am guilty of obsessively detesting these….and am always amazed at how most normal people can take all this so lightly.So I guess I am at fault…because my loved ones can not only NOT fathom but also get sorely irritated with my response to these things.Am sure I would be in the company of many like minded people.I guess living with such a person is daunting.. I admit it…but cannot change myself…rather I wonder how others can be relaxed under most circumstances.Am afraid even meditation or yoga hasn’t been able to still my mind.I really aspire for that…to be in a relaxed state…the constant need to rid the chaos around me creates chaotic thoughts in my mind….I know it’s so ironical…have to calm myself down…..

Battle of the sexes

It always amazes me to see how God created men and women so differently.There is absolutely nothing in common between them….physically,mentally,emotionally…its as if we are 2 species from 2 different planets.And of course there are no two ways about it…women are superior in every respect.No…I am not a chest thumping,bra burning feminist…just a rational ,clear thinking individual who happens to be a woman.

We are a family of 6 living together…and there are 3 generations of males and females equally divided.And its amusing,exasperating and sometimes very disconcerting to see how 3 generations of males and females function together.

The males …all three of them are obviously the same blood line…and they are all alike…the 2 year old has the same personality as his dad and his grandpa.Its as if they are 3 peas in a pod.Men can go through life without burdening their minds with anything beyond what are their primary duties.The husband would essentially be like to be left alone and not be bothered with the nitty gritty of everyday existence.Sonetimes I feel it’s the best way…but why cant we be like them??The mind has countless thoughts going through it …and as women…as consummate multi taskers…we not only think of innumerable things at one time.. we also manage to accomplish different tasks simultaneously.But do men appreciate this??,….nope….they are very happy with their narrow tunnel vision…see one thing…finish that!! Life is simple for them!!!

But then again I guess God’s plan was exactly this…He created us differently so we could really complete each other.Thats what marriage is all about.The constant friction,bickering is all the result of our differences….but the togetherneess,the concern for each other and the sense of security you feel together is because He completed us when we married 40 years ago.

Drifting apart

Relationships are so fragile…I ponder over this…you have those which are blood ties …u grow up with them and somehow they are an intrinsic part of you are.Your family dynamics eventually shape who you are.But growing older,forming new relationships…..things change.As I have always firmly believed we are changing every single day.I know I am not the same person I was as a young girl,a young mom and now well into middle age.Life changes you,your perspective changes,your dynamics change.As a young person I was brash,too stubborn and “always right”.But age definitely mellows you…you are ready to forgive and forget…is it the fear of your mortality??I would want to face my Maker with a clear conscience.So now I believe that if a relationship isn’t working…DO NOT…go out of your way to cut it off…its simpler to just let it drift away.If there are no harsh words involved it doesnt seem like a severance….you feel you could pick up the threads anytime you wanted.

I am amazed how people can cut off lifelong relationships…whether they are blood ties or friendships….with rancour,bad words,vilifying them or intentionally hurt the other person.Why dont we realize that life is too short..8f you dont want to continue with a relationship …just let it drift away!!!!


Is your mental state affected by your surroundings or do your surroundings affect your mental state??Have long pondered over this conundrum.But whatever maybe the cause or effect the plain fact is that decluttering definitely has a huge positive impact on your immediate state of being.Being away from home for more than 3 weeks …it was a shock getting back to an overgrown garden…somewhat like the state of mind I was going through.The first job I tried to get done was to clear up the dense foliage…and boy…3 days later seeing the spruced up lawn and all plants trimmed to the bare minimum…it was a sight for sore eyes ….a sense of relief coursed through my veins…life was good again…I was alive and so was my family.

It’s the same feeling you get when you clean your closets and get rid of heaps of stuff.The very act gives a sense of exhilaration…its practically therapeutic. People of our generation are now experiencing the loss of our parents…it brings us face to face with death at close quarters….and along with the aftermath of death is the mundane task of managing/disposing off their myriad possessions. And that has brought the realization that all the stuff we accumulate through the years has absolutely no value for your kids…the very act of disposing off copious amounts of stuff is a huge headache…and sentimentality hardly stands a chance.You really have no room for any of their stuff.Are we so cold hearted or are we just practical??And it gets you to ponder over your own mortality…yes..our children will be doing the same.Thats life…the sooner we realize it the better.Would ideally like to give away most of my accumulated stuff during my lifetime.Why burden your children with this??


Hi there…so I embark on a new journey… hopefully it will be a journey of self exploration and discovery.What exactly do I have to say?? I really dont know…but it seems I have reached the completion of a pregnancy and am desperate for the baby to pop out!!Yes…this urgent need to share my thoughts,my honest ramblings and life’s experiences is so intense I feel I could just burst.

4th Sep 2020

The year 2020 is a landmark year in every respect. No one in the world predicted that this year would be a game changer for humanity as a whole.Life has taken such incredible twists and turns the past 9 months.Its so fascinating how resilient humans are.We started off with this pandemic taking things very lightly…with the firm belief that everything would be hunky dory within a few months.But that was not meant to be…we keep trying to deceive ourselves…convince ourselves that it will only be a minor blip in our lives…… as we shoved our fine clothes into the back of our cupboards and literally started living in our casual pjs…yes…we thought all will be back to normal.

And then our worst fears were realized when the entire family tested positive for Covid 19.I could never in my wildest dreams have thought that an infection could change the way I look at life.The realisation that life can be so transient,that what we really only in need in life is the presence of our loved ones…we have always been caught up in hoarding material possessions…atleast I have always been guilty of that.And they don’t mean a darn thing.My heart and my mind have undergone a seismic change…I am so much at peace with myself …I feel so blessed and close to God.My family is my world.Covid taught me to love myself…to forgive myself …to let bygones be bygones…its such a huge load off my mind…I feel as if I am floating on a gossamer wing…

How strange it sounds…doesnt it???But that’s how it is !!!Go figure!!!